What the Report Says = What It Means

Understanding status report terminology.

Added 2001-12-16

Essentially complete = Half done

Schedule Exposure = Slipped three weeks

We predict = We hope to God

Screen Design is lagging = Not a single screen exists

Risk is high but acceptable = 100:1 odds, or with 10 times the budget and headcount, we stand a 50/50 chance

Potential Show Stopper = All team members have updated their résumés

Serious but not insurmountable problems = It'll take a miracle

Basic agreement, however = The bastards won't talk to us

Results are being quantified = We're massaging the numbers so that they'll agree with our conclusions

Task force to review = 7 people who are incompetent at their regular jobs have been loaned to the project

Not well defined = Nobody has thought about it

Not well understood = Now that we think about it, we don't want to think about it anymore

Require further analysis and management attention = Totally out of control

A number of fixes have been identified = The whole team is shooting up

Results are encouraging = Power-on, produced no smoke

Less than expected = Abend again

A high risk project = No way we can make it

Impact being determined = Where the hell are we?

Aggressive milestone = Manager's dreaming again

No contingency = Cancel vacations, kiss the family good-bye, bring a change of underwear to work with you

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