What the Report Says = What It Means
Sunday December 16, 2001
Essentially complete = Half done
Schedule Exposure = Slipped three weeks
We predict = We hope to God
Screen Design is lagging = Not a single screen exists
Risk is high but acceptable = 100:1 odds, or with 10 times the budget and headcount, we stand a 50/50 chance
Potential Show Stopper = All team members have updated their r￩sum￩s
Serious but not insurmountable problems = It'll take a miracle
Basic agreement, however = The bastards won't talk to us
Results are being quantified = We're massaging the numbers so that they'll agree with our conclusions
Task force to review = 7 people who are incompetent at their regular jobs have been loaned to the project
Not well defined = Nobody has thought about it
Not well understood = Now that we think about it, we don't want to think about it anymore
Require further analysis and management attention = Totally out of control
A number of fixes have been identified = The whole team is shooting up
Results are encouraging = Power-on, produced no smoke
Less than expected = Abend again
A high risk project = No way we can make it
Impact being determined = Where the hell are we?
Aggressive milestone = Manager's dreaming again
No contingency = Cancel vacations, kiss the family good-bye, bring a change of underwear to work with you
